korean football: r.i.p.

well, jo bonfrere, the coach of the korean national team, has resigned under pressure, to which the below commentary had yesterday referred.

with the forced resignation of the coach--the 2nd of a korean gaffer in 14 months--and the KFA's repeated bowing to public pressure, i now consider myself a former fan of the "taeguk warriors" because i am protesting the lack of grace and dignity this nation and its FA gives its coaches, particularly its foreign managers. it's a disgrace and true footballing koreans should be ashamed at their countrymen for this kind of witch hunting. the KFA are the laughingstock of the international football world; there's no way in hell they'll be able to hire anyone with any amount of competence or credibility because the KFA do not stand by their coaches. no sane manager without a sense of desperation to be a manager will take the job because there's no security in it, there's no sense of the KFA's standing by a coach's side, there's no fair treatment of its coaches at which one can point with any confidence. you can rest assured i will be burning my korean footballing paraphernalia and not cheering for them anytime soon, at least not until the KFA start treating people with more respect.

how is it that the KFA consider managing korea to be one of the most sought-after jobs in the world? how they consider themselves a real football association if they don't dismiss public pressure and honor the contracts they give to their coaches? look at the english FA and their current national coach, sven-goran erickson. sven has endured more controversy in his five years at the helm than all the other national managers combined because of his alleged penchant for chasing tail than winning football's holy grail, yet his job is not at risk, despite repeated howls and calls for sven's neck over the years, because the english FA have the cajones to tell the english media and public to bugger off because there is a contract in place, sven is the coach in place, and changing managers always disrupts the team, takes away their unity, and ruins the karma of a team as it prepares for a world cup. korea will find this out when they don't make it out of the group stages at next year's event.

i hope they suck like a pack of newborn hyenas ravaging their mother. a little humble pie will do them good.

so, fuck the KFA, korea's footballing mob, and the valve with which they put air in their flat balls...

footballing commentary

ji-sung park (the asian-looking fellow in the red strip): korea's sporting hero of the moment

i really do like korea. i have a wife who's korean, my in-laws are all 100% korean, my children will be half-korean, i have many friends (and some adopted family members) who are all korean, i've voluntarily chosen to live in korea for most of the past 7 years, i miss korea on the three occasions i've chosen, since 1998, to live elsewhere in the world, i fully support a united korea and hope to see its fruition before i get too old, and i admire how korea has pulled itself from the quagmire of last century's occupation by japan, the near-total destruction of its land in the korean war, the political atrocities of the '70s and '80s, and the economic crash of the late '90s. a stauncher supporter of korea you may not find in one not native to this country.

however, with such a level of caring comes a self-given license to bitch and criticise, to ridicule and admonish, to strive for improvement and tolerance whilst hatcheting continued racism and xenophobia. korea is certainly a place full of racism and xenophobia, but, then, there aren't many countries who aren't guilty of such ludicrosity.

today's gleeb involves slagging koreans' penchant for insecurity and myopia, especially surrounding their sports stars and the national football team.

these are paradoxical times to be a korean footballer, footballing fan, and football supporter. on one hand, we have the continued global emergence of korean footballers as they make their ways into the largest and most popular football leagues in the world (and this, following a near-decade in koreans' having made their impact in america's pastime, baseball, though mostly only as pitchers and not as everyday players, hee-seop choi aside): at england's top level, the premiership (ji-sung park arguably the world's biggest club, manchester united); at england's second level, the championship (gi-hyeon seol, wolverhampton); in germany at the highest level (du-ri cha, frankfurt); in holland's top division, for now (young-pyo lee, psv eindhoven); and in france's ligue 1 (jung-hwan ahn, metz). these are amazing sights to see for korea's football-mad citizens and the future is potentially bright with a lot of youngsters who have grown up to see in the past eight years continued progress on the international stage, culminating in their 2002 world cup's top 4 finish.

if only the footballing mob that is korea's supporters don't undermine it all in the very near future.

koreans continually measure themselves in all manners of life against nations, most specifically against japan. however, it doesn't stop there. a country with the unfortunate distinction of being between two of the most homogeneous, xenophobic, and militaristic countries in asia's long history is going to be short on security, pregnant with myopia, and long on fighting spirit. when even a modicum of success is established on the international stage, koreans back that team or individual to the very core of their souls. newspapers flash headlines, nightly television coverage is a fight to see which broadcasting station gets the better scoop, and, now, with the advent of online hookup, chat rooms the nation over are aflood with all matter of conversational fodder regarding said team or individual. the "mob mentality" for which koreans are not so flatteringly known is unleashed in its full force and the results, when positive, are amazing and inspiring, and, when negative, are as ugly a side of a culture as one can witness.

the mob mentality was on special show during the aforementioned 2002 world cup. "be the reds" fever swept the country like water through an arid sponge languishing in desert heat. millions of people the country over in dozens and dozens of cities and towns swayed, danced, sang, chanted, and cheered in the streets as their heroes knocked over like dominoes some of the largest names in international football. it was pure magic to behold, it was intoxicating for the soul to participate in, it was enthralling to relive it moment by moment as soon as each game ended, and it was beguiling to watch international football pundits marvel at the heady fever of a nation fully behind its team and coach. korea made the semifinals, one of the last four remaining teams at the 2002 showcase and koreans were giddy.

"we are here and look who's not!"

the list of luminary countries left in their wake, sitting at home watching korea in the semis take on germany was staggering: spain, italy, england, argentina, france, among others. and koreans weren't about to forget that their two biggest rivals--china and, most especially, japan--though not big international football powers, were also at home on the sofa watching the "taeguk warriors" on the tube just like billions of regular people. it was giddy times, to be sure.

unfortunately, the mob mentality does have a more sinister side to its personality--and it is showing its nastiness these days, specifically in regards to its current coach, jo bonfrere, on whose future the korean football association will vote tomorrow.

with all the latent success those guys savored in 2002 came an overwhelming amount of unwarranted pressure to maintain that superior level of footballing prosperity. the mob mentality that is the korean public began to think that theirs was a footballing country of extraordinary distinction with an unmatched tradition, that just showing up at world cup qualifiers or at last year's asia championships would send the other asian teams into paroxyms of fear, that their beloved "reds" could just stroll langorously and ambivalently through another campaign and into the 2006 world cup as if they have a permanent seat on the footballing security council.

if a coach doesn't win games in flamboyant style, attacking and crushing opponents like so many squirming maggots, then he must go! if he's not gregarious and engaging with the media, if he's dour and committed only to winning and trying new players, formations, and strategies, and not to kissing the collective asses of the fans, media, and aged veterans, then he's not fit to coach this national side! if he doesn't play the stars of the 2002 run, many of whom are still riding the very shabby threads of those outdated coattails, then he needs to be banished from the peninsula forever!

excuse me, but korea's qualified for next year's world cup, hasn't it? what else is to be expected from a coach? isn't making the final 32 the reason every coach is hired by every nation in the footballing world? lose some games to opponents in a unnecessary "east asian" tournament (perhaps i'm mistaken, but i don't recall there being any "northwest european" tournament or a "sub-saharan african" tournament, or a "central south american but no countries through which the amazon river flows" tournament or any other ridiculous intra-continental tournaments that are just a waste of time) and the coach is on tenuous ground? lose a basically meaningless final world cup qualifying game and he needs to hit the road? and each of these aforementioned games and tournaments were without the strongest squad available to the gaffer, yet his fate is being decided tomorrow based on the fact that over 90% of the dumbasses on web sites and in chat rooms around the country think he needs to be axed? sure, there are things to be worked, revampments need to be made in some obvious areas, conditioning and morale need to be improved, yes, of course. and trashing your gaffer and having to find a third one in less than 18 months is not the road to travel--and less than ten months before the world cup kicks off, no less. sack bonfrere and korea become a laughingstock of the footballing world. what top-flight manager will want to come here to guide a team when he'll be the third one in a year and a half? and hiring a korean manager is out of the question, apart from bum-geun cha. no korean has the credentials to lead this team into next year's finals, save for cha.

relax, korea. you're in the world cup for the sixth straight time, extending your own asian record. give bonfrere a chance--it's a long time until june 9, 2006--to make amends, mold changes, reshape the squad, and put something of which to be proud on the pitch. don't let your mob mentality ruin a good thing and turn your country into the laughingstock of the footballing world, to be known as a black hole for coaches, because such events will turn the clock back on korea's progress and the korean national team will end up in 2010 like china is next year: in a pub with their mates, slinging back soju and watching it on the telly like the rest of us.

don't forget, you revisionists, there are many of us still around who laugh at the hypocrisy you showed guus hiddink: five months before the 2002 tournament, you were ready to slit his throat because of unsatisfactory results; before the tournament ended, you were lined up, 48 million strong, ready to kiss his ass and anoint him as the second coming of king sejong or admiral yi.

english: the beautiful language

poor kid has no idea why he's so famous

people the world over are killing themselves and spending hundreds of millions of dollars just to learn english. a ridiculous notion, i suppose, but, then, it has kept me in enough travel and drink funds over most of the past decade.

however, people in asia are so intent on forcing themselves and/or their children into learning --or, at least having the appearance of knowing--english, more often than not to the point of not giving a fart in a windstorm about whether the english they're learning is correct, shit, accurate, boastworthy, or just downright funny to those of us in the know. this poor lad above--uh, not that one, the other one, the one NOT wearing the white shirt--came to school one day with a spiffy rendition of slang terms urging those so inclined to engage him in a little tummy slap tonga. he had no clue what the shirt was about, nor did his parents, nor anyone working in our school who wasn't a native english speaker. funny, sick, and very sadly demented.

this brings up a journal entry written by a student of a former co-worker, which is along the same lines as above, but on a more direct basis, given that the student in question has the unfortunate--at least, in this instance--moniker of cherry (forget the tense or spelling or syntax errors, that's not the point):

"today i help my cousin with his math homework. i was easy, but he didn't do nothing. so i said, 'do it yourself.' but he didn't do. i was angry."

all it takes is the omission of a single letter (guess which one here?) and it changes the entire meaning of a journal entry from something about helping a cousin with homework to something pornographic and fit for incest.com.

the sad thing is this: although this was a simple entry by a grade school student into her diary, i've seen far more stupid being worn by adults on their shirts, with seemingly no shame or regard or awareness at how they're perceived (imbecilic dumbasses, for a start) or for the endless slagging they get from us native english speakers. now, i realise that many of us have committed similar gaffs in the process of learning a new language, but i can't remember the last time my friends or i wore, nor can i recall ever seeing a native english speaker's wearing, something with foreign words or symbols on it. i mean, how difficult is it to look it up in a dictionary for translation before subjecting oneself to international ridicule?

dangerous days

now, what harm could come from this??

our summer vacation is on its last leg today and the weather is like shit in your rice outside, thus i'm spending my last vacation day inside doing this.

people frequently ask me why i like gangneung so much and i always give one of the usual answers, depending on where i am, what the weather is like, what clothes i (don't) have on, the degree to which i've avoided sobriety, or what newcastle's recent form is (usually as good, these days, as your feeling would be if you had a red-hot poker lodged indelicately in your liver and shooting sparks into your nearby intestinal tract): the beautiful, cloudless, blue skies so frequent in spring and autumn; the proximity to the beach and mountains; there's a factory that makes my favorite brand of soju located here; there are no really tall buildings and even less air pollution; good people abound, both koreans and non-koreans alike; its english spelling is never the same from place to place (does is start with a K or a G?); and other salacious bits of answers.

however, the most underrated, yet obvious, answer is this: where else in korea can you find a bar run by korean (gyung-sup lee) that sells no soju, has imported beer from various western countries, more liquor from western civilisation than is probably allowed by korean law, the opportunity on any random friday or saturday for nakedness, madness, and passing out on the bar? oh, and, as the picture above correctly advertises, all-you-can-drink nights for KRW30,000 (around USD30 or GBP15)...

can you imagine: as many drinks as you can pour down your piehole--and delicious food, to boot--for less money than it takes to spend 5 minutes with a hooker? if such an event were held in the u.s. or u.k., it'd be outlawed by the religious right, castigated by the litigious left, reprimanded by AA, revoked by the neighborhood watch group, stereotyped by neo-nazis, lambasted by newspaper editors, savaged by dildo saleswomen (have you ever noticed that a bottle of bailey's could rival one of those pockmarked vibrators that resemble a lumbering crocodile in making a woman's heart flutter at the thought of an impending rush of giddiness?), and overturn the results of the last two american presidential elections. there is no liquor off limtis to this craziness, although several beers are, guinness being the most prominent in my memory. nontheless, good times, pandemonium, and nights unremembered are had by all and sundry.

ahh, such is korea, such is gangneung, such is this bar called bumpin', and such is the man who runs it and those of us who provide him his income...

trip to ulleung island (and the secluded isle)

we, as i said here last week, are currently on summer vacation, and, last week, we took the first part of it and ventured into the East Sea between korea and japan to visit ulleung island and the secluded isle.

there are tons of pictures, more than a handful of stories, and new friends that we met, so there is a separate site dedicated to this one five-day trip.

click here at http://ulleungisland.blogspot.com for more...