english: the beautiful language

poor kid has no idea why he's so famous

people the world over are killing themselves and spending hundreds of millions of dollars just to learn english. a ridiculous notion, i suppose, but, then, it has kept me in enough travel and drink funds over most of the past decade.

however, people in asia are so intent on forcing themselves and/or their children into learning --or, at least having the appearance of knowing--english, more often than not to the point of not giving a fart in a windstorm about whether the english they're learning is correct, shit, accurate, boastworthy, or just downright funny to those of us in the know. this poor lad above--uh, not that one, the other one, the one NOT wearing the white shirt--came to school one day with a spiffy rendition of slang terms urging those so inclined to engage him in a little tummy slap tonga. he had no clue what the shirt was about, nor did his parents, nor anyone working in our school who wasn't a native english speaker. funny, sick, and very sadly demented.

this brings up a journal entry written by a student of a former co-worker, which is along the same lines as above, but on a more direct basis, given that the student in question has the unfortunate--at least, in this instance--moniker of cherry (forget the tense or spelling or syntax errors, that's not the point):

"today i help my cousin with his math homework. i was easy, but he didn't do nothing. so i said, 'do it yourself.' but he didn't do. i was angry."

all it takes is the omission of a single letter (guess which one here?) and it changes the entire meaning of a journal entry from something about helping a cousin with homework to something pornographic and fit for incest.com.

the sad thing is this: although this was a simple entry by a grade school student into her diary, i've seen far more stupid being worn by adults on their shirts, with seemingly no shame or regard or awareness at how they're perceived (imbecilic dumbasses, for a start) or for the endless slagging they get from us native english speakers. now, i realise that many of us have committed similar gaffs in the process of learning a new language, but i can't remember the last time my friends or i wore, nor can i recall ever seeing a native english speaker's wearing, something with foreign words or symbols on it. i mean, how difficult is it to look it up in a dictionary for translation before subjecting oneself to international ridicule?