as a start for today's gleeb (why do i say "gleeb"? because it's as arbitrarily a stupid combination of english alphabet letters as "blog" is), i add an amendment to watching the norwich footy at the 403 that ended my last gleeb: ipswich, norwich's dearly hated derby rival, lost out in their promotion playoffs in the league to which norwich has just been relegated, meaning that next year, the old rivals will be playing each other again.

now, if they only played in the brazilian beach footy league, sponsored by heinz ketchup and french's mustard, then it could be called the sand-wich derby...

ok, no more bad puns, but it's been a long weekend, long enough that yesterday--saturday at 11:00am--i swore that it was already sunday afternoon and that i'd have to be going to work in 24 hours. how did i get into such a state? well, at much consternation to my beloved wife, much pain and bloodletting to big ryan's leg, an homage to caged celebrity death wrestling matches, and a celebration of all-night drinking binges... well, you can see where this is leading.

on friday night, there was a friendly footy between england's current pro champion, chelsea, and korea's current pro champ, suwon, part of chelsea's commitments in light of its having just signed on samsung as its kit sponsor for next season. the usual lot of got together to watch the match, though none of us got there until after the first half had ended. as most the nights in one's life that give you either the most headache or most loss of memory--sometimes both at the same time, though even in that state, it's always the headache that's the only thing not forgotten--usually begin, this began innocently enough.

we should have known it wouldn't have ended so innocently when the restaurant to which he originally were herding ourselves once the footy finished claimed not to have any rice or, when pushed, nor any stock to make the soup we would be ordering. all of this just for a plate of grilled goat or a bowl of goat soup...!!

anyway, we had to abandon to a restaurant we've patronized on several occasions to which we don't go for the good food or service (there's a modicum of the former and none of the latter), but for the excellent dongdong ju, homemade devil rice wine the color of gruel. sounds like it's not so tasty, but just try asking that to those of us who've allowed the embraces of this she-devil to comfort us in our time of need.

once we'd all gotten well into the dongdong ju, as well as some beer and soju, someone decided that going to the beach to enjoy the warm spring night and the remainder of our drinking was a good idea--and i can't disagree, even now, seemingly days later. we all sat around outside of a family mart--a chain of always-open convenience stores found obsequiously on every street corner in korea, it seems--drinking beer and soju and passing the time away with ill-remembered talk and cigars. about 4am, every one of the sensible people decided it was time for home and bed; ryan and i could not be counted among those described as sensible, so we decided to stay and continue our drinking. within an hour, as the sky began to lighten even as our vision didn't, we decided it would be a good idea to grab some more soju and beer, as well as some snacks, and head out to the manmade breakwater and sit on it and watch the sun rise.

it was a fine idea until you realize what this breakwater is: it's an asphalt pier that extends from the beach about two or three hundred meters out into the sea, at the end of which is a tall, red lighthouse. on the beach side of this breakwater, from near the shore all the way out to the lighthouse, is a 10-meter drop to rocks below. the rocks are of various sizes and are a favorite place to sit and do some fishing. on the other side of this breakwater, the ocean side, are huge Y-shaped pieces of concrete that are piled 10 meters high--level with the walking surface of the breakwater. now, these are Y-shaped pieces of concrete weighing at least a ton apiece and not exactly joined together very fittedly, meaning that walking on them is a possibly dangerous option because of the large gaps and holes between them. further, the surfaces of these things are rounded, not straight-edged, so that there is no part of them that is flat. together, they gently slope down to the crashing surf, much like a mountain might slope down to the sea, but traversing them down to the water's edge is a dicey proposition, especially when these giant pieces of concrete are wet.

oh, did i mention how much we'd had to drink at this point? being less than sober doesn't help one's navigational auspices while wandering out on these things, either.

well, we found a suitable spot that wasn't too precariously perched and proceeded to have a seat and take in the forthcoming beautiful sunrise. ryan had already found a wedge where two of these monster Ys had come together to form a convenient nook in which he could actually lie down safely and comfortably, should he happen to doze off. everything was going along in a swell manner until i dropped a bag containing a mountain dew through one the crevices in the Ys and into the water 10 meters below.

reader, please note this, because in the ensuing minutes that followed, i forgot that i dropped the drink, which became both bad and pertinent, as you will soon see.

that's what i get for buying something non-alcoholic at that point in the drinking cycle.

anyway, i was content to let the mountain dew just wallow until it died a watery death, but ryan had this great idea that he could save it, so he climbed down to get it just as the first edges of the sun became visible.

ryan's jaunt down into the nether regions of this breakwater went off without a hitch just as the first edges of the fiery disc that gives this planet life began to flicker beautifully at the end of the watery horizon. it was when ryan bent down into the water to retrieve the bag-cum-moutain-dew that the adventure began. being in a state of non-equilibrium caused ryan to lose his balance and fall into the water, scraping, in the process, his knee against the killer Y-shaped monster. he managed to make his way out of the water onto a seemingly sage Y-shape before he slipped again. when he climbed out of the water again, his leg looked like a new flavor at baskin robbins: pasty white mixed with streams of blood--big ry's bloody swirl, they would call it.

he seemed no worse the wear for it, however, but that no doubt was the endless hours of drinking soju and dongdong ju that had preceded this water dance. he was, however, soaked from head to toe, which included his fleece jacket in which he was bedecked, his sandals, his shorts, and his hat. not privy to the growing warmth of the rising sun that was beginning to fire my brain, he began to acknowledge being a bit cold in his wet clothes, so we agreed that he should throw me everything he had on, save for his shorts, t-shirt, and whatever underwear he was wearing (i hate how this is going to sound, but more on this later).

the waterlogged jacket and the plastic bag that, i had forgotten, started this whole bloody mess in the first place made it into my flytrap grip on the first try. however, his sandals proved to be more tricky, as it took several tosses for him to get it right and for me to catch them once he got it right.

so, there we were: i on top of all thing dry and sunlit and ryan down below amidst all things wet and shady. over the horizon hung a nearly-complete disc of fiery red, because of which i kept prodding ryan to hurry the hell up and get above shade so he could enjoy it. he kept lamenting that he couldn't see it, but it seemed as if there were so many things floating in the water that he wanted to save.

it would be prudent at this point to show a picture of either ryan or the sun's shenanigans, but, in what increasingly became a good thing, i had forgotten it and you, Dear Reader, are going to have to fly by the seat of my descriptions in order to see it clearly.

ryan, at this point, was all ready to make his way back up to the land of the Y-hoppers when it dawned on the both of us that there was no way in hell he could climb up the way he had jumped down. as we were discussing this very relevant point, i was also rummaging through the pockets of his fleece jacket, finding such things as money, a book, tissue, and a non-waterproof cell phone. the news of the wet paper products was met in a predictably, "they'll dry in the sun," manner; the cell phone news, however, was met in the way you would expect one to react to the realization that one's most useful and reliable communication device has been rendered as useful as sunscreen on Mercury.

"@$&%^^*%$#%@%^(&*)%$!"

i think those were ryan's exact words, not to mention my exact thoughts on this discovery.

at this point, the full disc of fire was visible to all and sundry along korea's east coast, and i cannot begin to describe its beauty. as i reveled in it, i heard ryan say he was going to make his way over some Y-shaped things until he could find a suitable climbing place to rejoin me amongst the sunrise-gazers. soon, after a bit of worry that i would hear a helpless scream, i heard a mirthful, "found it!", followed by a hand, then an arm, a head, a torso, and then the whole of ryan.

as we began to wander toward each other to remind ourselves that we both had made it through this drunken and oh-so-dangerous debacle, ryan posed the following question to me:

"blah blah blah blah have blah blah?"

in other words, he was asking me if i had something that he had had went he first climbed down. logic on Your part would dictate that i forgot exactly what it was to which he was referring; i'm also sure you can deduce the answer to this forgotten question...

thus, ryan had to climb back down and scamper back to where he had initially climbed down in the first place, leaving more time to fret on the ludicrousness of our endeavors, but not any less time to enjoy the view afforded by the continuously-upward fiery disc.

finally, Reader, the sage ended, as ryan found whatever it was that he had forgotten to bring with him--perhaps his hat?--and had climbed up again to rejoin those of us who walk a safer, gentler path on the Y-shaped entities...


p.s.--wait, there is an aside. as mentioned previously, yours truly has mentioned that he'd forgotten what had caused ryan to risk life and limb in the first place--and perhaps You have, too, Reader. as we both settled down to enjoy the beer, soju, and snacks that we had bought with the steadily-rising fiery disc, i casually looked down at the bag of mountain dew and thought, with nary another rumination, that i really didn't want the mountain dew at all and chunked it over my shoulder and down one of the mawkish gaps in the Y-entities. the look on ryan's face was as priceless as it is indescribable.

"what?" i asked, with not a clue as to what i had done.

speech impediment along with mime's disease would best describe ryan's initial answer, followed by, "you son of a bitch, i can't believe you did that!"

innocently, "why? what did i do? i just didn't want the drink anymore. besides, there's a lot of other trash down there, too, so one more bag will only add to this area's impeccable beauty."

"don't you remember? that goddamned mountain dew is the reason i went down there in the first place!!!"

then, i remembered it all: the bags of alcohol and chips, the separate bag of mountain dew, the precarious position of our goodies as i tried to spread them out on a Y-shape for our indulging as the sun rose, the slip of the godforsaken bag as i lost its grip, its interminably long descent as the Y-shapes devoured it, ryan's bit of bravado at volunteering to rescue it.

dumbfoundment mixed with alzheimer's plus a dash of severe lament would not even come close to describing how i felt at that moment.

once i got over my amazement at having forgotten why ryan had gone down in the first place and had apologized endlessly for my gaffe, we decided it would behoove us to get the hell out of there and go back to family mart and continue our drinking there--as well as tend to ryan's wounds with soju, not just by ingestion but also by pouring it directly on the wounds themselves.

yes, you can tend to one's mental frailties and abrasions by soaking in soju, but it is a little known fact that you can also treat superficial skin wounds with same.

makes you wonder how we survive korea; also makes you realize how we can't leave this place.